First of all, I’m sorry that I have been MIA for a couple weeks. My emotions have been all over the place! Second of all, there are no juicy details in this post. Cole and I aren’t quite ready to share everything with the world yet, but soon. I promise!
Let me tell you. The whole two week wait thing when it comes to IVF (probably IUI’s too, but I haven’t been there) is exhausting. I had to stop most of my working out before the transfer which is a big stress reliever for me, so that took away an outlet. Thank goodness for yoga. You can find me at sunrise vinyasa almost everyday right now. The wait isn’t just mentally exhausting, but it’s also physically exhausting: the hormones, the pills, the PIO injections (progesterone in oil) which leave you with a sore booty and little bruises.
Which can I please just take you on a side story really quickly and say that Cole is a rock star. He was TERRIFIED to give me shots. I have to be honest and say that I was terrified too. The first part of IVF, I did all the injections myself, but it’s not quite as easy in your backside. So come with me to the night of the very first PIO shot. Me – I don’t know where to sit or lay or stand so that you won’t injure me, and Cole – NO ONE TALK, I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE. Fast forward to the end of that injection and Cole all “wow, I should seriously be a doctor. I need to go on a missions trip and give people shots.” Etc etc. Basically he’s a big deal, and notify him if you need a doctor. HA!
So there is really no preparing for the wait. You are so excited for the transfer day and hurry to it and then it’s like time stops. The days drag by, and there is literally nothing you can do. Symptom spotting is from Satan himself because all those symptoms could just be the progesterone talking. Then they tell you not to test at home, but that second week all you want to do is pee on a darn stick and have even the smallest idea of what is going on inside of your body. But if you give in and do that then it can be inconclusive. Is that a line? Is it too soon? So is it definitely negative then? Wait, I think that is a line…right? Oh my goodness, it is life consuming. Yes there were days and hours when I was distracted and time went more quickly and I was thankful. But there were the long, long days too when my thoughts pulled so hard on me to go to the negative.
Can I just say that our friends and family are the bomb dot com though? We have been so loved and surrounded with prayers. From meals for the whole first week to my mom consistently cleaning our house and helping walk the dogs to my dad always volunteering to drive me to the doctor an hour away to our small group family crowding around us and bringing us to tears as they prayed hope and love over us. I cannot thank all of you enough for being there for us through the fear and the hope and the tears and the joy and everything in between.
This journey is not something I can imagine ever going on alone and in quiet. It is so clear to me when I look back and even look at today that God so intricately has a plan for every little step in our life. He brought us to our knees of loving him and trusting him and brought us a church family to surround us before we walked into these stormy waters. He nourished our faith so that it would have the opportunity to blossom through this trial. No, not every day can I immediately say okay God, I’m so joyful and full of hope today, but he comes alongside me no matter what. Even the days that I can’t seem to look at him. He still patiently walks beside me, NEVER changing, and heaping grace upon grace on me. He cries with me AND has joyful parties with me. There is nothing that he doesn’t want to be a part of in my life.
So shout out to all of you for prayers and texts and messages and gifts and food and LOVE. You all rock, and we are beyond thankful for this life that we have with all of you in it.
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”